I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize
