bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
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