I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
We need to rekindle our bromance
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
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