Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
ok 1 i realized people actually live in central wisconsin and 2 culvers could be a good place to pick up chicks today
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
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