It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
Randomize
