ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
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