i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize
