So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Randomize
