but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
Randomize
