I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Randomize
