There was a point where some of my friends attempted 'moi's', which stands for makeout on introduction.
It involved going up to women and very aggressively trying to make out with them upon meeting them
Surprisingly the success rate was exceedingly high
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
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