The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
Bank of America: Available balance is $546.25 on 03/04/2011 for account 8428. Go online for details. TextSTOPtoStop/TextHELPforHelp
i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
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