i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Randomize
