Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
