Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
then he tried to convert me to islam
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
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