And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
Randomize
