im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
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