You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
Randomize
