We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
he's single and there are thong briefs.
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Randomize
