I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Randomize
