I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
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