her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
