WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
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