guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
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