There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
Randomize
