just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
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