I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
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