i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
Randomize
