apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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