we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
i need to put some appletini on your dick
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
Randomize
