I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
Randomize
