she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
Randomize
