FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
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