Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
Randomize
