Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
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