If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
Randomize
