I murdered the dance floor call the cops
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
Are my feet made of real feet?
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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