apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
Someone shattered a urinal.
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
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