I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
I want to be your penis for a week.
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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