his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Randomize
