so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
Randomize
