real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
Randomize
