I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
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