Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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