is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
Joe is yelling at the trees again.
I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
