When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
Randomize
