he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
Randomize
