hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
Randomize
