My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
Randomize
