Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
Randomize
