saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
Randomize
